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BLOG: MEDIATION IN REAL LIFE

Nov

10

2022

Tom and Giselle versus Brangelina

Celebrities are not just like us. That said, there is something to be learned from recent headlines about Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen's divorce. The first thing to notice is the relative lack of headlines. For an extremely famous couple, their ...

Mar

24

2022

How long does it take to get divorced?

Clients starting the mediation process often ask me how long it takes to get divorced. This is a complicated question. Getting divorced is a lot of emotional work, but also a quite a bit of intellectual and administrative work. Feelings need to be ...

Oct

27

2021

When lawyers throw fuel on the divorce bonfire

 Recently a Connecticut superior court judge wrote a scathing opinion highlighting the destructive behavior of divorce attorneys, divorcing parties and the court system itself. As Judge Moukawsher states, "In the name of fighting for the best ...

Jan

25

2021

Prenups can only go so far

Last week I read a WSJ article about millennials and prenups and it reminded me of why these agreements can be so helpful, and also extremely unhelpful. I support my clients who want to negotiate prenups, but it is also crucial to ...

Dec

03

2020

Talk, Don't Text

It's been nine months since pandemic restrictions were put in place in many parts of the United States, and throughout the world. We are physically separated from our friends and family, and it is really, really hard. Many of us are lonely and ...

Sep

23

2020

Communication during COVID

Life during a pandemic is really hard to plan, and so much of what I do with my clients is support them as they make plans. Couples planning to marry, parents planning for children, families planning how to manage family properties and businesses, ...

Jan

13

2020

Marriage Story and Four Approaches to Divorce

Marriage Story is a good crash course on divorceI started drafting this post a couple of months ago, in the meantime Marriage Story was released in theaters and on Netflix, and now has been nominated for several Oscars. The film does a great job of ...

May

16

2019

Varsity Blues, restorative justice and the limitations of legal resolutions

I have been thinking a lot about the Varsity Blues scandal and how it reveals the inadequacy of the legal system for resolving certain disputes. For those of you who didn’t read about the scandal, in essence it involves wealthy parents trying ...

Mar

19

2019

Kid Stuff is the Big Stuff

Finances may come first, but family is foreverWhen I meet with couples who have decided to get divorced, there is usually a significant focus on finances. Often people feel sad or angry and they turn to money to express those feelings. Either or ...

Jan

07

2019

Holidays Are Hard

Holidays bring together lots of people, and lots of stressIt is finally January and everyone I talk to seems to be breathing a sigh of relief. The holidays are hard. Little kids, teenagers, young adults, parents and grandparents all seem pretty ...

Oct

18

2018

Equitable does not (necessarily) mean equal

Many people talk about divorce and refer to getting “half” or “a fair share”. What those concepts mean when they are actually applied depends on the state where the divorce action is commenced. In reality, the 50 states have ...

Oct

10

2018

Avoiding Conflict Creates More Conflict

Aretha Franklin died leaving no will, $80M, and four adult sonsRecently Aretha Franklin died without a will. Various news outlets estimated her estate is worth $80M. She died several years after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, leaving behind ...

Sep

06

2018

Approaching divorce with a long view

I was honored to be a featured writer on It’s Over Easy this summer. The post is also copied below.Think about a happy future, not about current angerIn the midst of divorce, it is only natural to become overwhelmed by your ...

Jul

10

2018

Analyzing anger to move past it

Moving through divorce, or any major conflict,  involves moving through stages of conflict. My friend and fellow mediator KK Peabody has created the schematic above that shows the cycle of grieving. Everyone moves through this cycle in their ...

May

10

2018

Never Split The Difference

This week I am reading Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator. Voss writes about negotiating with bank robbers and war criminals, high stakes confrontations with lives hanging in the balance. ...

Apr

25

2018

Mediating agreements before conflicts arise

This past week I was working on a prenuptial agreement, and also talking with a client about a new business venture she is considering pursuing with a partner. In both cases there is a lot of excitement about the partnership and the future. There ...

Apr

04

2018

Drafting a will can be inspiring

I recently read an article by John Schwartz about why it is important to write a will. The article rightfully advises that having a will may save your family time and money, and eliminate some of the stress around difficult decisions, like how to ...

Mar

22

2018

Mediating the octopus of family

The family – that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to.”-Dodie SmithIn this morning’s New York Times there was an article about three siblings who have been ...

Mar

15

2018

#metoo for moms, focusing on shared values

I have followed the #metoo movement with interest these past months. Many women have come forward to talk about negative experiences that limited or derailed their professional careers, and there has been much discussion of gender, equal pay and ...

Nov

07

2017

Knowing what you don’t know, thinking about mediation versus legal resolution of disputes

The Law focuses on the past, Mediation focuses on the FutureThe challenge so many of us face when we are engaged in a conflict is the lack of clarity about the future. A co founder leaving a start up does not know if the business she is leaving will ...

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